Where's the Beef?!

Yesterday was the last day of a 5-day fast that Esther, Olaf and I started after Easter. Actually, it was the last day for me, but Esther and Olaf are going to keep going until Monday or Tuesday. I almost didn't make it five days, so there's no way I could possibly extend it any further.

I knew it was going to be a difficult week when on Monday morning, the first day of the fast, I woke up and the first thought that popped into my head was, "Oh, I'm so hungry!" We hadn't even technically started fasting yet! Then, for "breakfast" we drank a laxative solution because an important part of the fast is making sure that your intestines are as empty as possible. It's supposed to help make it so you don't feel hungry during the fast, and so that your digestive system can heal itself from the usual hell you put it through trying to digest the shit you eat daily. Olaf and Esther pretty much both had to go to the bathroom immediately, but not me. In fact, it took several hours before I even felt like I could go to the bathroom. Later in the day I took more of the stuff and ran up and down the stairs a million times trying to get it to work. It definitely didn't benefit me as much as it did Esther and Olaf.

During the fast basically all we could consume was water and tea. I've never had so much tea in my life!! Everyday I've had at least 2.5 liters of some sort of tea (black teas, oolong tea, fruit teas and herbal teas), as well as 3-4 liters of water. At lunch and at dinner we had juice. For me I either made fresh orange juice or drank an organic multivitamin juice for lunch, and then Esther made fresh fruit/carrot juice for dinner (always thinned with water, of course, because otherwise it's too much). That's it. Except for the occasional buttermilk or sauerkraut juice we had to drink to make us go to the bathroom. That was an awful experience. You're supposed to drink it in the morning every other day to make sure that you're still going to the bathroom and your intestines remain empty. Once again, it worked for them but did nothing for me. Awesome.

I almost gave in and ate something during the last 3 days. I have been sooo hungry!!! The worst is when I had to make the kids something to eat, and then couldn't have any of it. Everything smelled like butter, and everything looked delicious. It took every ounce of my willpower not to eat mashed potatoes on Wednesday, a chocolate bunny on Thursday, or noodles with butter and Parmesan cheese yesterday. Seriously. It was nearly impossible, and I wanted so badly to give up. Esther and Olaf have only felt occasional mild pangs of hunger, usually out of boredom or habit, but I've been hungry all week. And everyone keeps saying to drink more water when I feel hungry, but the more I drink the more I want to eat. Pretty much all I've been able to think about for the past week has been potatoes, and occasionally cake batter or gummy bears. I miss food.

Today was the first day that I got to eat since last Sunday. After fasting you're supposed to start slow so that you don't shock your system, overeat, or get into your bad habits of eating crappy food. So what did I get to eat today? An apple. I got to eat an apple for breakfast. Then, for lunch, I made a soup consisting of one very small potato, a carrot, leeks, and some celery root. It was one bowlful, and that was lunch. For dinner I get to make myself a similarly sized portion of tomato soup. I am still starving. Esther and Olaf have been saying the whole time that once I start reintroducing foods, I'll find that on the first day all I can really eat is half of the apple and a portion of the soups because I will get full so fast. Not true. I've even cut everything into little pieces and chewed the crap out of it to make sure that I don't eat too fast and know when to stop, and I'm still waiting for that signal. I don't know what's wrong with me, or what's going on in my body, but this is not the way it was supposed to work. And I've remembered why I always eat so much, and so fast. It's because food is delicious, but only when it's hot (or cold, depending on the temperature it's meant to be eaten at) and eating is way more enjoyable than not eating. Supposedly eating too much or too heavy right now makes you feel sick, but I could definitely go for a steak and baked potato right now, and I don't think it would make me feel sick at all.

There are 2 good things about this fast, though. The first is that I've lost 3.4 kg (7.5 lbs). The second, and most important, is that I have more energy right now than I can ever remember having. I honestly don't think I've had this much energy since at least high school. I haven't felt the need to take a nap or stay in bed all morning since Tuesday, and that's a miracle. I've always needed/thought I needed ridiculous amounts of sleep just to survive, and I just accepted that that's the way it is. Now I'm awake, and refreshed, and I actually feel like doing stuff. It's amazing. As miserable as this has been otherwise, it's all worth it because of the energy I've gained from detoxifying my body. Now I just have to transition into healthy eating habits and keep this feeling as long as possible.