I need a vacation

I can't even begin to explain how badly I need this trip to München that I have planned for next weekend. I can honestly say this time that stress as opposed to laziness is the primary reason for me not updating my blog in a couple of weeks. It's like I'm fighting a 2-front war over here. On the one side, it's all the stuff that I have to do to make sure I'm able to stay here in Germany. That means getting a German driver's license, extending my visa, enrolling for health insurance, preparing for and taking the TestDaF exam in November, determining what, if any, Masters program I am qualified to apply for at the university, and then figuring out how to actually apply. I feel like I spent the whole week a couple weeks ago just going to Köln to talk to different people at the university, some of whom were unable to provide any genuinely useful information, some of whom I had to wait so long to talk to that I needed to leave so I could pick up kids and then try again another day, and some of whom are on an excavation and won't be back for a month. That's the one that really sucks, because she is exactly the person that I need to talk to right now. And believe me, it's all even more stressful than it sounds. I even had to take Pauline into the city with me one time because I had to pick her up from Kindergarten before the scheduled office hours of someone I needed to talk to. As far as the language test goes, I'm taking courses 3 times a week, one of which is specifically a prep course for that test, and spending as much time as I can at home trying to improve my vocab and grammar. It's a lot of freaking work. Still not sure if I have to take any tests for my license, but hopefully we can find that all out when I drive to Bergheim this week. So much to do and, honestly, not enough time.

Then there's the kids. I am not alone in saying that I need a vacation from these kids, believe me. Pauline is especially horrible at the moment, and has been for several weeks now. When she gets angry, or you take something away from her, or you ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, she gives one (sometimes multiple) loud, short, high pitched scream at the top of her lungs. Sometimes it's even so loud that she hurts her own ears, and then she starts crying and yelling at you, accusing you of screaming in her ear. Every time she trips or falls or runs into something or whatever, which she does a lot because she's 3 and hasn't exactly developed the coordination and motor skills of an Olympian, she starts screaming and crying as if she just broke a bone. I'm afraid to see how she reacts when she actually injures herself. She constantly asks for candy and refuses to accept no for an answer, and there have been times when we walk in the door and she goes straight to her little cubby to open the gummy bears or whatever is in there without even asking, which has never been allowed. Then when you tell her no or take the candy away, the screaming starts. And once she starts crying, she won't stop. To put it more accurately, once she starts crying, she won't stop whining. There are so many times when I have had to tell her to cut the crap because she's not even crying any more, just making crying sounds and being whiny. It doesn't matter what you do or say, either, because she doesn't get it. Even if, for example, she goes to run away, and you grab her, and she hurts herself trying to fight with you, she doesn't seem to comprehend that she can't win or that if she tries the same thing again, it's going to happen again. And like I said, I'm not the only one who's had enough of it. Every one of us is on our last nerve. It's of course easier for me when Esther and Olaf are both gone, but otherwise she is hell right now. Oh, and don't even get me started on the drama she creates when I have to take her to her little gymnastics session on Tuesdays, which by the way is nothing more than an hour of play time with me and even some of her other friends like Zeynep. There aren't even words to describe how horrible that whole experience is. At least right now Gustav isn't really a problem. His biggest thing is refusing to go to bed at night. He cries and complains that he has to brush his teeth, he refuses to eat dinner and then complains and cries that he's starving when you put him in bed, he's very demanding about his milk bottle when he goes to bed and when he gets up in the morning, and he still thinks it's okay to lay in his bed and yell or cry until somebody comes to him. Other than that, though, he's getting a little better about hitting and kicking Pauline (which a few weeks ago was a major issue with him) and he's started wiping his own butt, which came about after I told him that he's a big boy now and needs to do it on his own because nobody wants to do it for him anymore. Which is true, and I'm not the first one to tell him this so don't think that I'm just a bitch. I think it's just that maybe when I tell the kids things they take me more seriously because they've learned that when I say something, I really mean it and they can't get away with anything. But, now that I'm done ranting for the moment, let finish by saying that I still love these kids to death, and I know it will get better. I just need a break, that's all.

Oh, and to add to the stress, last Wednesday I lost my wallet. I had been in the Hauptbahnhof trying to purchase a German RailPass to make my trip to München as cheap as possible, though it's by no means going to be cheap. The guy at the DB center told me that I couldn't buy one because I had been in the country for more than 6 months, which shot my plan all to hell, so I went into the Starbucks to use the internet on my iPod to check what other options I had. I quickly got irritated by trying to work on this tiny little screen, so I decided to just go home and use my computer. Then I realized that I could purchase a RailPass online and have it mailed to me within a couple of days, and I just won't worry about the whole 6 month thing (especially since a just bought myself one of these a couple months ago without any problem). I went to get my passport so that I could buy the pass, and I couldn't find my wallet. I literally tore my room apart and searched the house trying to find it because I refused to believe it was gone, but it was. So I scrounged up as much change as I could find in my room to buy a train ticket back to Köln (my train pass was in the wallet, of course) hoping that I would find the wallet either at the DB center or in Starbucks. I still can hardly believe that it was at Starbucks, completely intact, including the €60 that was in there. I can't even tell you how horrible it would have been if my wallet was really gone. My driver's license, passport, German bank card, American ATM card, credit cards, train pass, everything was in there. Needless to say, I was really pissed off and slightly in a panic when I realized I had lost it. I just wanted to call my mom and cry. Major thank you to the very sweet shift supervisor at Starbucks who found my wallet and locked it away in the office for me.

On the brighter side, the 2 kids that I babysat for a few weeks ago get along really well with me. The little one, Kenan, is only 3 and of course still is a little shy, but for the 2 nights that I was there it really wasn't a problem because Ceylan helped me get him in his pajamas and brush his teeth, and we both read him stories when we put him in bed. Ceylan seems to be particularly fond of me. The second day that I went over there to babysit, she came running to the door to say hello and give me a hug, and while we were eating dinner she wanted to sit on my lap. Elvan was really surprised because apparently Ceylan doesn't really show emotion very often, and she never shows that kind of affection to anyone other than her parents. That was kind of cool. Elvan wants to try to make it a regular thing for me to come over there, maybe once a week or so, so that the kids are really used to me and they have no problem being left alone with me.

I also took care of Jan and Nina's cats for a couple of weeks. Lutzi was much better this time and only "attacked" me once, but it was pretty bad. There were 2 little puncture wounds in the back of my right hand and she gouged a big cut in my left thumb right along the side of my nail. It wasn't intentional, though, she just got startled by something that fell. Also, in protest for the couple of nights that I didn't let them out because it had been raining, Kona pooped on the floor. Three times. Thank god nobody in Germany has carpet, because that could have sucked a whole lot worse. Oh, and speaking of Jan and Nina, last week at dinner Gustav brought up the fact that Jan and Nina don't have any kids. Esther asked him if he thought it would be nice if Jan and Nina had a baby, and what was Gustav's response? "Yeah, but first Jan has to stick his penis in Nina's vagina." What?! Did that seriously just come out of a 4 year old's mouth?! It did. Even Olaf was slightly taken aback. Apparently Esther likes to give very thorough and accurate responses to the 3 billion questions that Gustav asks from day to day.

Next weekend there is no meeting for my test prep course because Sunday is a holiday, so I'm taking a trip to München for the last weekend of the 200th anniversary of Oktoberfest. I'm unfortunately going to be traveling alone, yet again, but I'm super excited about it. I need this trip.

Friday was a pretty relaxed day. Earlier this week I had been invited by one of the neighbors, Wibke, to have coffee with her on Friday morning at 10 while the kids where at Kindergarten. She just had a baby 4 months ago, and she has a son in Gustav's group. After I helped Esther get the kids ready and took Amelie for a walk, I walked over to Wibke's to hang out for a little bit. We just kind of talked about what my plans are while I'm still here in Germany and that sort of thing. She had been an au pair in America, I believe near Philadelphia, when she was in her early 20s, and she's an English teacher here in Germany (at least that's what she was doing before she went on maternity leave). She also told me that she plays with the B team of a women's club not far from here, in a part of Köln called Junkersdorf, and they train twice a week on Monday and Thursday evenings. She invited me to go with her at least once a week so that I can start training and get back into playing, and I think I'm going to take her up on that. I don't have class in the evenings anymore, so that shouldn't be a problem, and if Esther or Olaf are home before she leaves then I can go with her. I'm really excited about the idea of playing again.

Yesterday I played a little bit of soccer in the city, too. A couple of weeks ago I met this guy on the train because I woke him up with the sound of my boots while I was walking to the back of the car, where he was sitting. Ooops. Anyway, we started talking, came to the subject of sports, which of course leads to soccer, and I mentioned that I used to play. He sent me a text on Thursday or Friday of this week asking me if I wanted to meet up with him this weekend and play, so I did. We didn't play for very long because I'm ridiculously out of shape, plus the grass was really long, so my legs were exhausted. Since we were right next to Aachener Weiher we walked over there and hung out at the Kneipe for a little bit. Afterward we were going to check out this Biergarten in Hansaring that he had heard good things about, but he needed to go to his apartment first to put on something warmer because it was starting to get cold. While we were at his apartment he had asked me about California food and what we typically eat that's unique to our region. So I told him about burritos. Then, while I was telling him what's in a burrito, and how much I love breakfast burritos, we both got really hungry. We found some miscellaneous ingredients in his kitchen and I threw together some sauce-like concoction for the spaghetti noodles he had in the cupboard. It was really delicious, actually, and he immediately said that I'm now hired as his cook. The only thing that sucked was that I put chilies in the sauce, and this morning the chili on my fingers still burned when I touched my mouth or my eyes.

Yesterday was also the first meeting of the new test-prep course. Last time I kind of felt like I was more or less in the right spot, maybe slightly below the level of everyone else but fairly equivalent. This time I still feel okay in terms of my abilities, but there are some people who simply do not belong there and have no chance of doing well on this test. We did a reading comprehension exercise, which they give you one hour to do, and it's 30 questions. A significantly large number of them panicked when they were informed that there were only 10 minutes left, and they declared that they could use the whole day to finish this exercise. Really?! Out of the 30 questions, most of the people in the class got less than 20 right, and I think the lowest score was 10. This is one of my strong points, though, so I got 27. Reading and listening are definitely not something I need to stress over when it comes to this test.

Today was a lazy day, because I was so tired from yesterday. I slept until after 10, took a nap between 12:30 and 2, and have done almost nothing else in between. I did, however, go to another neighbor's house this afternoon at 3. It's a friend of Güner's, and she has been in need of a babysitter since her husband works on Berlin during the week and she has no one to take care of the kids when, for example, she has to go to the school in the evening for parent night. Güner had told her about me, and had nothing but good things to say, so this woman (her name is Elvan) asked if it would be possible for me to help her out. I went over to their house today to get to know the family a little bit and so the kids could meet me before I simply show up to take care of them on Tuesday. The kids are a 7 year old girl named Ceylan (pronounced Jaylon) and a 3 year old boy named Kenan. I hung out with them for a little bit, we took a walk so that Ceylan could deliver thank-you cards to the kids in the neighborhood who came to her birthday party last week, and Kenan showed me his cool light-up Spiderman shoes. They were both a little shy and quiet, but that's to be expected. Plus, when I was walking out the door I heard Kenan ask Elvan if he could play soccer with me, which is always a good thing. So I'm going to be there Tuesday evening from 5:30 until probably about 8 or so, and then again on Wednesday from 7 until 8:30 or 9, and then we'll see from there how things go.

Tonight was the last meeting of my language course, at least until the new one starts next week. We only actually had class for the first half, and then for the second half we were all supposed to bring typical food and music from our homeland. I brought chocolate chip cookies, and forgot about the music since everyone listens to American music anyway. It was actually a lot of fun. We had Indian food, cheesecake, various types of cookies, crepes, fried doughballs from Africa, all kinds of stuff. We all just hung around for an hour and a half talking and eating. Afterward I went to an Eiscafe in Altstadt with Samson, one of the guys in the class from Cameroon. We were there for about an hour just talking, and we ate some pizza and drank some coffee (he actually had tea) before we went to the Hauptbahnhof to head home. All in all it was a pretty good evening.

Not much happened during the day today. To start off my morning, I woke up and rolled over to see Amelie cuddling with my teddy bear. After Esther and the kids were gone, I rode the bike to Aldi to buy some stuff to make the cookies and to make another Pflaumkuchen for Esther. On the way there I almost crashed the bike into a pole because I was trying not to run over a slug that was in the road. Luckily, we all came through unscathed. Anyway, after I got home I realized that I forgot to buy butter, eggs, and ladyfingers, which I needed for the Pflaumkuchen, so I wasn't able to start my baking yet. I took the bike back to Aldi to buy the remaining necessities before I picked up Pauline at about 1:30. I picked her up early because Zaynep was supposed to be coming over to play this afternoon, and she was coming between 2 and 3. When Pauline and I got back home we headed straight into the field with Amelie so that I didn't have to worry about her while I had both of the girls at home. Then Pauline and I set about to our baking, at which point I realized that, once again, I forgot to buy ladyfingers and eggs. Seriously?! So I forgot about the Pflaumkuchen for today and Pauline and I just made the chocolate chip cookies for me to take to my class this evening. In the end Zaynep was unable to come over because Güner had forgotten that they already had plans for the afternoon/evening, so we invited Jette over to play instead. That worked out well and kept Pauline occupied while I finished the baking and got myself ready to go to class.

I forgot to mention yesterday that Gustav had an entirely different interpretation of the odor here in the fields. I took both of the kids with me yesterday morning to walk Amelie since they didn't go to Kindergarten yesterday. When we got there, the first thing Gustav said was, "Blah, hier stinkt es so!" Pauline, once again, declared that, "Ja, es riecht nach Schinken," to which Gustav immediately replied, "Gar nicht, Pauline. Es riecht nach Scheiße!" Once again, I laughed my ass off. Gotta love these kids.

It's not my fault!

Yeah, I know, I failed miserably at sticking to my commitment for this week, but it honestly isn't my fault. Monday just wasn't happening, and yesterday the internet wasn't working. But at least I'm not waiting until Sunday, and I still have a chance to finish out the week strong.

Let's start with Monday. Monday was just a long, busy, waste of a day. Kind of an oxymoron, I know, but it's true. To start the day off, Esther couldn't get the car to start in the morning when she was leaving to take the kids and go to work. The battery had been dead all day on Sunday (or so we think, but more on that later) and Sunday evening Markus helped Olaf jump-start the car and Olaf drove around for half an hour to charge up the battery for the next day. No such luck. Esther rang the doorbell of one of the other neighbors across the street, and she helped us to jump-start the car again. This time, however, I had to drive so that I could stay in the car with the engine running while Esther walked the kids into the Kindergarten and wouldn't have to jump it again to get to her office. So we threw Amelie in the car since I needed to take her for a walk anyway, I delivered everyone to their destinations, and then I took the car to the shop next to Esther's office so they could check it out and figure out what was draining the battery. Oh, by the way, I already had discovered that the little light above Gustav's door was on when we got to the Kindergarten, and may have been on all weekend for all we know, but Esther still wanted to have the car checked out. Anyway, I left the car there and then headed home with Amelie.

Once I got home I had to gather some papers and other important items (i.e. my wallet) into my purse and head straight back to the train station. I had intended to go straight to Köln in the morning after taking Amelie for a quick walk because I needed to go to the University to talk to someone about the possibility of me studying there. Other than the fact that I have to take the TestDaF, I have really no idea what is required of me as far as the application process goes, and we need to get that all figured out so that the test is the last thing I have to worry about. The reason I was wanting to go so early, however, is that the office I needed to go to was only open from 10 until 12. After the whole ordeal with the car, and walking with Amelie, and then riding the bike to the station, I ended up not getting to the S-Bahn until 10:50. That means I would be arriving in Köln at 11 and would still need to make my way to the University (which I had no idea how long would take since I don't know those train schedules) and wait until someone was available to talk to me. I had my fingers crossed just hoping that I would be able to talk to someone. Luckily I didn't have to wait very long, and was able to sit and have a talk with the woman I had spoken to before. What did she have to tell me? That I need to take the TestDaF. Great. I already knew that. The only other thing she was really able to tell me was that I needed to speak to the department I was interested in (the Philosophische Fakultät) to find out what I am able to study based on my previous education and their openings, and then determine what I need to do for the application process. So I walked down the street, managed to find my way around the building (with a little bit of help, because I couldn't tell my ass from a hole in the ground) and went to the advisory office of this department. What I found when I got there was a list of about 25 people who were sitting around waiting for the opportunity to talk to the adviser, who was only going to be in the office until 1. It was currently 12:15. I put my name on the list, and then I realized that there was no possible way I was going to get in there by 1. Even if they managed to get to me right before they closed, the earliest I would be able to take a train back home from the Hauptbahnhof would be 1:30, which puts me at home at 2, and that might have been too late for when I needed to pick up Pauline. So I left, bought myself a book in Neumarkt to help me with my writing, and headed home.

When I got home I called Esther just to double check what the deal was with Pauline, since we were unsure how long Frau Pfeiffer was going to want her to stay, or what was happening with the car. The car wouldn't be finished until 4, but I needed to pick up Pauline no later than 3:30. That didn't really leave me with enough time to take Amelie for a long walk like I wanted to, so I took her into the field with the bicycle. That way she got a lot of exercise and we went pretty far, but it didn't take so long. When we got back to the house I had to wipe off Amelie's feet, grab Pauline's helmet and the scooter out of the garage, and head to the Kindergarten. When I got there Pauline had just gone outside to play after waking up from her nap. Now that she's in Kindergarten and everything is so overwhelming, she's allowed to take naps again, for the time being. Anyway, I grabbed Pauline, explained to Gustav that Esther would be there in a little bit to pick him up, said bye to Christina (she was there to pick up Florian, and she had little Marie, who just so beautiful!) and away we went.

I had just enough time to hang a load of laundry out to dry in the garden and make a pot of tea for me and Esther to enjoy before I had to go to school. At least, that's what should've happened. Instead, I got a phone call from Esther saying that she was going to be later than expected because. . .the car wouldn't start. She was stuck at the Kindergarten with Gustav, waiting for the guy from the shop to come and get them and bring them home. By the time they got back to the house, it was time for me to leave. I had to grab my bag and hop on the bike to go to class.

So now I'm on the train heading into Köln, and we're sitting at the station in Ehrenfeld when the speaker comes on and the driver informs us that there is a disturbance of some kind on the track at the Hauptbahnhof. At first we were told it was going to last 5 to 10 minutes. That quickly turned into an undetermined period of time, and we were told to leave the train and take a different line to the Hauptbahnhof. So everyone got off the train, headed to a different track, and waited. While we were waiting they apparently got everything cleared up and we had to go back to the original train and get back on to continue our journey. It was a little ridiculous. Plus, it meant that now I was going to be late for class, and the teacher gets really irritated when people come in late, and there often aren't any seats left because the class is so full. I almost didn't go, but I did.

After class I went back to the Hauptbahnhof to catch the next train home, which leaves at 9:30. Well, it's supposed to leave at 9:30, but this one was going to be 20 minutes delayed, according to the info board. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Then I looked at the board again, and this time it said 30 minutes late, which then quickly turned into 45 minutes late, and then again an undetermined amount of time. Plus, the next train home, which is supposed to leave at 10, was also going to be at least 15 minutes delayed. I was definitely not the only one that wanted to punch somebody at this point. By the time I got on the train, it was 10:20. By that time I should already have been and home and done walking Amelie, but instead I was just getting started. Then, when I finally did get home and went outside with Amelie, she decided that she didn't want to go poop, she just wanted to go for a stroll. I was out with her for almost half an hour. By the time I was able to get into bed it was about 11:30, and I was exhausted.

So basically, I spent the entire day on Monday running around trying to get things taken care of, and in the end I learned nothing at the University, the car was still broken, I hadn't even finished one load of laundry, and I wasted a good amount of time waiting for the stupid trains. Like I said to one of the guys in my class when he asked me about my day, "Ich habe ganz viel gemacht, aber gar nichts geschaft."

Yesterday was more like a normal day. Britta took the kids to Kindergarten since we still didn't have a car, and Esther and I looked after Jette in the meantime. Britta had to take Malta to his speech therapist (he has a stutter) and she couldn't take Jette to the Kindergarten because their Kindergarten was closed. Some punk-ass kids (at least, everyone is thinking it must've been teenagers) broke in Sunday night through the roof window and sprayed fire extinguishers all over the place. Now the Kindergarten is going to be closed for 5 to 7 weeks so they can get it all cleaned up and in usable condition again. Plus, a lot of the toys and things like puzzles have to be replaced because they're completely ruined. Anyway, when Britta got back she took Esther to her office and I went about my day. It basically just consisted of laundry, ironing, walking Amelie, picking up Pauline, and enjoying the rain. In the afternoon after I picked up Pauline (on the bicycle, because Jörg gave us an adapter for the child seat) I left her on the bike so that we could take Amelie for a longer walk again. As we were riding through the field, where they had just spread a whole ton of manure, Pauline says, "Hey, *sniff* es riecht nach *sniff, sniff* nach Schinken!" Really, Pauline? The shit in the field smells like ham? And then to top it off she declares, "Lecker!" I just had to laugh.

The only other significant thing that happened yesterday was that we learned what was wrong with the car: Nothing. The problem is actually Esther's key. For some reason the car thinks that her key doesn't belong to it, and therefore it will not start with her key. So now, if we backtrack, we see that Esther was the one who discovered the dead battery Sunday when she tried to move the car, but Olaf's key was the one that was used to jump it in the evening. Then again, Esther was unable to start the car Monday morning, but we used my key when we jumped it. When Esther picked up the car at the shop Monday afternoon they had my key at the shop, which she used to drive to the Kindergarten, but then she used her key to try to drive home, and failed. So, there may never have really been a problem with the battery at all, just with Esther's key. What a pain in the ass!

Today was another long day, but it wasn't bad. The Kindergarten was closed today because it's some local "holiday" for people in the service industry, or something to that effect. Anyway, the kids were both at home all day with me today. They kept themselves pretty much entertained, we baked muffins together, and then I made lunch for when Esther came home at 1. After lunch the kids and I took Amelie for another quick walk and then we went to meet up with Britta and the kids at Mühlenhof, the little farm in Pulheim. I had never been there before, but I really like it. They have 2 playgrounds for the kids, a big courtyard and several little toys for the kids to peddle around on, a barn with straw on the second level for kids to play in, and of course animals. The chickens were just kind of roaming around all over the place, as were the peacocks. This was actually the first time I'd ever seen a peacock family, with babies and everything. The pigs, bunnies, turkeys and cows were in stalls, and the goats, sheep, ponies and donkeys were out in the fields. Plus, there was a little cafe there where Britta and I had some coffee while the kids played, and we ordered some waffles for the kids. They serve food and various types of cakes there, too. I think I'd actually like to go back sometime without the kids, so that I can enjoy the farm and all the animals without having to stay with them at the playground the whole time. It was a really neat little place.

So, now that I'm caught up for the week, there are a few little things I wanted to mention about last week that didn't come to mind while I was writing that entry. First of all, Esther bought me flowers last Thursday, just because she likes having me around. It's a bouquet of beautiful, multi-colored roses and for the greenery they used peppermint, so it smells delicious. Second, Pauline has started saying "yes" and the other night when she was going to bed she said to me, "Gute night," which was the first time either of them have said that. And, finally, this past weekend I was sitting at the table with Gustav and he looked over and asked me, "Bleibst du für immer und ewig bei uns?" (Are you staying with us forever?) I asked him if he wanted me to stay here forever, and he said, "Ja, weil ich mag dich so gern." (Yes, because I like you so much) How freaking sweet is he?! You gotta love these kids.

This past week went much better as far as Pauline is concerned. She stayed until 12:15 on both Monday and Tuesday (at Frau Pfeiffer's suggestion, no less) and then starting Wednesday she stayed until after lunch. That means that I didn't have to pick her up until 1:30, which is way better than getting a phone call at 10:45 saying that she needs to be picked up as soon as possible. Other than that, I can't really think of anything worth mentioning about the week. I really need to try taking the time to update this daily so that I don't forget all of the little yet important things about my experiences here. It's been a little stressful lately, since I can't take the TestDaF at the end of the month like I was planning to, and now the pressure is on to get myself prepared for it in November while applying for a new visa as a language student and trying to convince me course instructor to give me a signature to allow me to skip the B2.2 level and jump into the C1 course, which will be better in terms of the test. That's my new goal for next week. I'm going to update me blog daily. If I don't do it, somebody yell at me.