I need a vacation

I can't even begin to explain how badly I need this trip to München that I have planned for next weekend. I can honestly say this time that stress as opposed to laziness is the primary reason for me not updating my blog in a couple of weeks. It's like I'm fighting a 2-front war over here. On the one side, it's all the stuff that I have to do to make sure I'm able to stay here in Germany. That means getting a German driver's license, extending my visa, enrolling for health insurance, preparing for and taking the TestDaF exam in November, determining what, if any, Masters program I am qualified to apply for at the university, and then figuring out how to actually apply. I feel like I spent the whole week a couple weeks ago just going to Köln to talk to different people at the university, some of whom were unable to provide any genuinely useful information, some of whom I had to wait so long to talk to that I needed to leave so I could pick up kids and then try again another day, and some of whom are on an excavation and won't be back for a month. That's the one that really sucks, because she is exactly the person that I need to talk to right now. And believe me, it's all even more stressful than it sounds. I even had to take Pauline into the city with me one time because I had to pick her up from Kindergarten before the scheduled office hours of someone I needed to talk to. As far as the language test goes, I'm taking courses 3 times a week, one of which is specifically a prep course for that test, and spending as much time as I can at home trying to improve my vocab and grammar. It's a lot of freaking work. Still not sure if I have to take any tests for my license, but hopefully we can find that all out when I drive to Bergheim this week. So much to do and, honestly, not enough time.

Then there's the kids. I am not alone in saying that I need a vacation from these kids, believe me. Pauline is especially horrible at the moment, and has been for several weeks now. When she gets angry, or you take something away from her, or you ask her to do something she doesn't want to do, she gives one (sometimes multiple) loud, short, high pitched scream at the top of her lungs. Sometimes it's even so loud that she hurts her own ears, and then she starts crying and yelling at you, accusing you of screaming in her ear. Every time she trips or falls or runs into something or whatever, which she does a lot because she's 3 and hasn't exactly developed the coordination and motor skills of an Olympian, she starts screaming and crying as if she just broke a bone. I'm afraid to see how she reacts when she actually injures herself. She constantly asks for candy and refuses to accept no for an answer, and there have been times when we walk in the door and she goes straight to her little cubby to open the gummy bears or whatever is in there without even asking, which has never been allowed. Then when you tell her no or take the candy away, the screaming starts. And once she starts crying, she won't stop. To put it more accurately, once she starts crying, she won't stop whining. There are so many times when I have had to tell her to cut the crap because she's not even crying any more, just making crying sounds and being whiny. It doesn't matter what you do or say, either, because she doesn't get it. Even if, for example, she goes to run away, and you grab her, and she hurts herself trying to fight with you, she doesn't seem to comprehend that she can't win or that if she tries the same thing again, it's going to happen again. And like I said, I'm not the only one who's had enough of it. Every one of us is on our last nerve. It's of course easier for me when Esther and Olaf are both gone, but otherwise she is hell right now. Oh, and don't even get me started on the drama she creates when I have to take her to her little gymnastics session on Tuesdays, which by the way is nothing more than an hour of play time with me and even some of her other friends like Zeynep. There aren't even words to describe how horrible that whole experience is. At least right now Gustav isn't really a problem. His biggest thing is refusing to go to bed at night. He cries and complains that he has to brush his teeth, he refuses to eat dinner and then complains and cries that he's starving when you put him in bed, he's very demanding about his milk bottle when he goes to bed and when he gets up in the morning, and he still thinks it's okay to lay in his bed and yell or cry until somebody comes to him. Other than that, though, he's getting a little better about hitting and kicking Pauline (which a few weeks ago was a major issue with him) and he's started wiping his own butt, which came about after I told him that he's a big boy now and needs to do it on his own because nobody wants to do it for him anymore. Which is true, and I'm not the first one to tell him this so don't think that I'm just a bitch. I think it's just that maybe when I tell the kids things they take me more seriously because they've learned that when I say something, I really mean it and they can't get away with anything. But, now that I'm done ranting for the moment, let finish by saying that I still love these kids to death, and I know it will get better. I just need a break, that's all.

Oh, and to add to the stress, last Wednesday I lost my wallet. I had been in the Hauptbahnhof trying to purchase a German RailPass to make my trip to München as cheap as possible, though it's by no means going to be cheap. The guy at the DB center told me that I couldn't buy one because I had been in the country for more than 6 months, which shot my plan all to hell, so I went into the Starbucks to use the internet on my iPod to check what other options I had. I quickly got irritated by trying to work on this tiny little screen, so I decided to just go home and use my computer. Then I realized that I could purchase a RailPass online and have it mailed to me within a couple of days, and I just won't worry about the whole 6 month thing (especially since a just bought myself one of these a couple months ago without any problem). I went to get my passport so that I could buy the pass, and I couldn't find my wallet. I literally tore my room apart and searched the house trying to find it because I refused to believe it was gone, but it was. So I scrounged up as much change as I could find in my room to buy a train ticket back to Köln (my train pass was in the wallet, of course) hoping that I would find the wallet either at the DB center or in Starbucks. I still can hardly believe that it was at Starbucks, completely intact, including the €60 that was in there. I can't even tell you how horrible it would have been if my wallet was really gone. My driver's license, passport, German bank card, American ATM card, credit cards, train pass, everything was in there. Needless to say, I was really pissed off and slightly in a panic when I realized I had lost it. I just wanted to call my mom and cry. Major thank you to the very sweet shift supervisor at Starbucks who found my wallet and locked it away in the office for me.

On the brighter side, the 2 kids that I babysat for a few weeks ago get along really well with me. The little one, Kenan, is only 3 and of course still is a little shy, but for the 2 nights that I was there it really wasn't a problem because Ceylan helped me get him in his pajamas and brush his teeth, and we both read him stories when we put him in bed. Ceylan seems to be particularly fond of me. The second day that I went over there to babysit, she came running to the door to say hello and give me a hug, and while we were eating dinner she wanted to sit on my lap. Elvan was really surprised because apparently Ceylan doesn't really show emotion very often, and she never shows that kind of affection to anyone other than her parents. That was kind of cool. Elvan wants to try to make it a regular thing for me to come over there, maybe once a week or so, so that the kids are really used to me and they have no problem being left alone with me.

I also took care of Jan and Nina's cats for a couple of weeks. Lutzi was much better this time and only "attacked" me once, but it was pretty bad. There were 2 little puncture wounds in the back of my right hand and she gouged a big cut in my left thumb right along the side of my nail. It wasn't intentional, though, she just got startled by something that fell. Also, in protest for the couple of nights that I didn't let them out because it had been raining, Kona pooped on the floor. Three times. Thank god nobody in Germany has carpet, because that could have sucked a whole lot worse. Oh, and speaking of Jan and Nina, last week at dinner Gustav brought up the fact that Jan and Nina don't have any kids. Esther asked him if he thought it would be nice if Jan and Nina had a baby, and what was Gustav's response? "Yeah, but first Jan has to stick his penis in Nina's vagina." What?! Did that seriously just come out of a 4 year old's mouth?! It did. Even Olaf was slightly taken aback. Apparently Esther likes to give very thorough and accurate responses to the 3 billion questions that Gustav asks from day to day.

Next weekend there is no meeting for my test prep course because Sunday is a holiday, so I'm taking a trip to München for the last weekend of the 200th anniversary of Oktoberfest. I'm unfortunately going to be traveling alone, yet again, but I'm super excited about it. I need this trip.